


Love, You, Me

by Lunnashh



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Angst, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-12 09:19:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5661088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunnashh/pseuds/Lunnashh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I love you. You love me, don't you?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love, You, Me

**Author's Note:**

> Reposting from my lj @ homin-yongwonhi

  
_Don’t say anything_  
The me you see, that’s everything  
Don’t push me away  
Why not, we are in love  
  


You're lying beside him, gazing at his sleeping face. He's as handsome as when you first met him, a long time ago. You trace his eye with a thumb, noticing the prominent eye bags and the frown that doesn't leave him even in his sleep. He has been having fitful sleeps, tossing and turning and talking in his sleep. He often calls for your name, if not every night.

"Wake up, Yunho," you stroke his hair—unkempt jet black hair—and see his eyes flutter open. He groans and rolls to his back; the hangover must've been bad. You touch his temples, wanting to massage them, but then Yunho sits up and walks away.

You follow him to the bathroom, watch him splash his face with water and brush his teeth on the sink. You see his reflection and can't help but wince at seeing the usually bright and happy face now so dull. You curl your arms around his waist—did he lose weight again?—from behind and kisses his nape. He rubs his face with a towel and heads to the kitchen. Your  _'aren't you gonna shave?'_ stays unanswered.

The coffee maker buzzes as you walk through the hallway. It's palpable how much of a mess his apartment has become—how much of a mess he has become. The entire place is scattered with so many things—takeouts boxes, random piece of clothing, papers and books, and you grimace when you steal a glance towards the piling dirty dishes on the kitchen sink.

He's massaging his head when you lean against the dining table, "Get some aspirin, hyung."

Yunho sighs as he opens a cupboard and gets a bottle of aspirin. He takes two pills.

"Take some more," you soothe his back and smile when he takes another two after a moment of hesitance, throat swallowing heavily.

He then pours himself a cup of coffee. It is you who wince when he swallows the scalding hot liquid just like that. "You don't add sugar and cream again nowadays."

He proceeds to make breakfast in silence. He fishes some vegetables from the fridge and picks a knife and a cutting board. A bit sloppy, you note, but he's getting better. You sit on the counter beside him, legs swinging as you watch him make a not-so-tasty-looking stir fry. You know he now eats because he needs to, not because he wants to. He no longer puts effort in cooking, like when he used to cook for you even though both of you know he's not particularly talented. He no longer puts effort in _anything,_ you think sadly.

 

 

_Fxxk U, don’t want it now_  
I don’t wanna lay down next to you as if it’s natural  
Fxxk U, you know, Fxxk U  
I don’t wanna do it like this  
This isn’t how I feel 

 

 

"Sorry," you say when your legs bump his waist and he accidentally cuts his finger. He hisses and puts it in his mouth. You don't stop swinging your legs, even when they hit the pot full of boiling water and it clatters to the ground. The water splatters everywhere and misses Yunho's feet by an inch. You cluck your tongue.

Yunho gets more careful so you huff in mild annoyance, turning to curl on the couch instead. A few minutes later, Yunho comes along with a bowl of stir fry and scrambled egg. You remember you used to scold him when he eats on the couch while watching TV because it always gets messy. Instead, you scoot closer to him when he turns the TV on and sits back. You know he's not really watching it, mouth munching and swallowing mechanically.

 

 

_If it’s not me_  
No one can control you  
Different difficulty 

 

 

"Let's go outside after this," you lean your head and look up at him. Your eyes no longer hold any effect, you guess, because Yunho keeps his gaze straight ahead.

He dumps the dishes after he's done, but you don't scold him. He heads to the bathroom and you follow him because you just have _nothing_ else to do. He strips his clothes off and you kinda feel bad at seeing his skinny physique. You used to poke at his tummy and tease him because his indignant face is just so entertaining. You sit on the closet when he enters the cubicle. It's just the sound of running water after that.

"You like to sing in the shower," you point out, nodding in approval at how the toothpaste tube in the sink rack is squeezed from the bottom. "Why don't you sing again?"

Yunho is rinsing his head with your tutti-frutti shampoo. You're surprised that he has stolen it from your place. Ah, your apartment must've been a bit dusty now. You hope your cactus is still alive.

When Yunho steps out, you nudge at the mat in front of the shower with your toes, pulling at it. You giggle when he loses his balance, but Yunho still has his agility and manages to fall on his knees rather than his back. You glare at him, "I'm tired of this. Aren't you tired?"

Yunho grunts and dries himself with a towel before throwing it to the closet. It nearly hits Changmin's face. You're still glaring but then brighten up when you see him putting on jeans and sweater. He then walks to the front door, seeming to ponder whether to take his car or not, but then places his keys back. It's okay, you get to be with him either way.

Soon.

 

 

_If it’s not you_  
No one can touch me  
We will be a destiny 

 

 

Yunho slightly shivers when he steps out into the streets. He has this beanie and sunglasses and mask and thick jacket on. You wonder if it's really that cold. You're just glad that _you_ don't have to worry about fans or sasaengs or the media.

The first few weeks, Yunho would ride the subway and let it take him wherever it went. He even went to that fish market he frequented before the comeback as duo, but after one time, he didn't go back. Perhaps it didn't give the same effect as it did before. Who knows, Yunho doesn't say anything. Nowadays, Yunho likes to roam the streets aimlessly. It worries you that someday he'll get mobbed or kidnapped or something. It worries _everyone_ , whom Yunho just cut contacts with. Yet you feel tremendously gleeful that he's like this only because of you.

You're at a red-light, in midst of the busy, hastening people with lives of their own. You hold his hand and tug him forward. You don't know if he sees the approaching speeding truck or not. You say, "Come with me, hyung"

He blinks, body visibly tensing.

"Watch out, kiddo!" a bearded man pulls Yunho's arm back just before the truck whizzes by the road.

" _Old_ _hag_ ," you growl, tugging Yunho away. The man shakes his head and mutters _'kids_ _nowadays'_ but you ignore him. So does Yunho.

For a few hours, Yunho walks leisurely. He goes from shops to shops, from clothes and food to furniture and books. You just trail happily behind him, looking at the way he avoids people. It's okay, he always has you. _He has to_. You point at the shirts you find cool, you comment at some furniture you deem too pricey, you flick at Yunho's cup of vanilla milkshake until half of it spills on the floor, and you kick at a stack of book in the fiction area until it tumbles and falls on a little girl's head.

Yunho then takes you to a bridge, overlooking the big river cutting through the city. You see him hover over the railing, looking down at the deep blue water. Perhaps he thinks that the water is very cold? You place your palm on his, which is grasping the railing so tight his knuckles turn white.

"Shit," you hear him curse, his first word for today.

You chuckle and curl beside him. "Why are you so nervous?"

Yunho is starting to turn pale in the face. You pat his back as he takes a few lungful of breath. You sigh and urge him to go home. _It's enough._

He hails a taxi and closes his eyes as soon as it gases. You contemplate moving to the front seat so you can pester the driver. You decide against it after a while; the driver doesn't need to be involved. You fiddle with the radio, claiming it's too silent, but the driver keeps turning it off while muttering under his breath.

"It's okay, you can leave it on," Yunho waves a hand. You smile at him and kiss his cheek.

Half an hour later, you're already inside his place. He kicks his shoes aside and you almost want to put it on the shoe rack neatly. You see Yunho eyeing the inside of the fridge, hand already in mid-air to pick something up. You push at him slightly; he ends up with a can of beer in his hand. He drinks it in a few gulps and it's empty by the time he reaches the bedroom. The bed dips as he collapses face-first, burrowing into the pillows. You're still standing by the door, knowing that he won't really go to sleep this early. Yunho now gets to sleep from exhaustion, usually in the early hours, and it's just half past nine now.

"Yunho," you call. You're watching him,  _waiting_ for him.

Yunho coughs.

 

 

_Fxxk U, we’re going fast_  
There’s still no sign of desperation in your eyes  
Love me, you know, love you  
How much do you love me?Can’t be more than this 

 

 

"I love you," you start, "and you love me."

He doesn't make any reaction so you sit at the edge of the bed. His eyes are drooped but he's not sleeping. You know his head is full of thoughts.

"You said you wanted to be with me."

You stroke his hair. It feels softer and cleaner from this morning. You see his eyes flutter.

" _I_ am your _home_ ," you lean down and kiss his head.

Yunho picks a photo frame from the bedside table and rolls on his back. You make yourself comfortable on his chest, hearing his heartbeats and feeling his warmth. You only let yourself be jealous for a brief moment.

"So you should come back to me."

"Changmin," he calls.

"I'm here," you smile at the photo in his hand; photo of both of you smiling so happily with arms around each other. You miss it so bad, to hold him in your arms.

"I miss you," he smiles, wobbly and slightly tearing in the eyes.

You thumb his cheek and say, "So come back to me. Come with me, hyung"

Yunho exhales heavily. He curls to his side, giving his back to you, "I can't anymore...I just can't—"

"You said you loved me!" you hiss, feeling the anger rise within you.

Suddenly, _suddenly_ Yunho throws the frame, breaking it to pieces. He rises and starts to fling everything in his reach against the wall. You watch in thrill as everything flies about—his alarm clock, his books, his hand phone. He rips the sheets and the pillows until feathers burst out to the air. You watch his face, twisted in so much pain and anger like never before, hear his heavy breathing, and you just know you're a step closer. He hurls a chair and it breaks to splinters, and you can't help but smile sadly when he screams and punches the window.

He falls to his knees, bloody arm and all, and let out a broken sob, tears now freefalling from his wild eyes. You approach him and pull him into your arms, reassuring him that everything's going to be all right— _if only—_

"You know what you want," you whisper at his ear. You lift his chin and press your foreheads together. "Please, baby, stop hurting like this."

"Changmin-ah," he croaks.

You shush him and take his hand in yours, moving his limp arm towards the bedside table. Yunho hasn't opened his eyes, but his hand knows what it's looking for. You kneel in front of him and kiss him, kiss his tears away.

"Yunho-ya," you breathe his name against his lips.

"Changmin-ah," his hand tremble but you help him steady the gun barrel against his temple.

"You love me, don't you?" you smile at him.

"I love you," Yunho whispers.

Yunho pulls the trigger.

 

~*~*~

 

 

_\---last night at 01.47, a gunshot was heard from his room and when security managed to enter, he was found lying dead on the bedroom floor with a gun in his hand. A headshot killed him instantly. Police were still investigating, although they claimed that this case is probably a suicide. Apparently, Jung Yunho's death was only three months after his fellow member in TVXQ idol group, Shim Changmin, was found dead also in his apartment--_ -

 

 

 

 

 

_Can someone tell me when_  
It’s always a hard problem  
I’m scared of this problem  
It’s okay  
I’m not going anyway, I’m here, only by your side  
So now, this can never really end

 

 

 

 

 

~*~*~

**Author's Note:**

> First written, finished: 02-Nov-2014
> 
> Aaaand here's a halloween fic. The song is Gain's 'Fxxk U' (yeah, fuck you) and although the song doesn't give a scary/horror feel, the idea kinda popped up into my mind. I didn't even read the lyrics translations until after writing it haha.
> 
> Comments are ♥  
> Find me on twitter @lunnashh ^^


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